To Myself and Everyone I look to for approval,
I worked hard, I did my best, I’m sorry it wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry it wasn’t what you expected. I’m sorry it wasn’t what you hoped for. I’m sorry you are disappointed in me. I wish it wasn’t this way.
Sometimes, I can feel as if I’m drowning in a sea of unmet expectations. I want you to be pleased with me. The truth is, even when you are, it’s only for a short while. I now realize that I will never be all that you want me to be.
Thank goodness for the grace of Jesus in my life. I am not what I do but what He has done for me. I am loved and accepted by Him. He is not disappointed, but pleased with me. I choose to look to the One who defines all that I am.
I continue to pray this prayer, “Lord, I am free to fail because in you I have victory. I am free to be rejected because in you I am accepted. I am free to disappoint because you are pleased with me. Thank you Jesus for being more than enough.”
This is me letting go.
Sincerely,
Shane Lingo
I wrote this letter in response to how God has been working in me over the past two and a half years. This letter is not a cry for help, but rather an expression of the joy and hope that I have received in Jesus Christ.
The truth is, I have deeply struggled with a desire for acceptance and approval ever since I can remember. Along with what I would consider to be a natural human condition, I have many great wounds from my childhood that have lead to these deeply engrained desires.
Looking back, I have turned to many things over my lifetime to try and fill these desires. Relationships, family, material possessions, success, education, athletics etc… At the end of the day, all of these things either made my condition worse or never fully satisfied these desires.
As I have grown in my understanding of the Gospel, I am finally able to say, “I am letting go.”
- Letting go of my need to perform.
- Letting go of my need to please.
- Letting go of my need to be good enough.
I have slowly been able to allow Christ’s love and acceptance to be the source from which I draw my value and my worth. I have been preaching to myself this message almost daily for the past 2 years. The message that, “I am fully loved, fully accepted and fully pleasing to God, apart from anything I can do.”
Only now do I feel like this has become a functional truth in my life. In other words, failure doesn’t affect me the same way that it use to. Disapproval doesn’t paralyze me like it use to. “Insecure” is no longer a word I use to define who I am. I am secure in Christ. I have never felt more free to fail then I do now.
Maybe as you were reading the letter above, you could relate to some of these same feelings and desires in yourself. A desire to be loved and accepted and yet never really being able to fully satisfy those desires. If that’s you, I want you to know that there is hope. But this hope is not found in the form of a quick fix or self help. It comes from being in a relationship with the One who created you and allowing Him to define all that you are.
If you are someone who can relate to this struggle, there are a few disciplines and resources that have helped me on this journey towards finding my true significance.
1. ”What is the Gospel?” -Greg Gilbert
2. “Search for Significance.” -Robert S. Magee
3. “Jesus + Nothing = Everything” -Tullian Tchivdjian
4. Much time meditating on the Gospel and my need for acceptance
5. Writing a “letting go” letter like the one above
Just imagine for moment how your life might look if you didn’t feel the need to always please everyone around you. Imagine the peace of not having to always perform. Imagine being fully loved and accepted with the freedom to fail. I believe that life is truly possible.
Thanks for reading. As always I hope you have found this read helpful and hopeful.
Speaking Your Lingo 
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